18 Steps To Fix A Toxic Relationship | In-Depth Guide

18 Steps To Fix A Toxic Relationship | In-Depth Guide

Often relationships seem to start out just fine but over time develop toxic patterns that negatively affect the quality of life for both people involved. Here we’ll be looking into how to fix a toxic relationship and work towards getting our life back to harmony.

Before we dive right into the answer, I must mention that the principles and solutions I am going to discuss below apply to most of the human relations as they are based on universal wisdom and human psychology.

Though these are more common for marriage, they are not at all limited to it.

You can pick the lessons and apply into any relationship you are having trouble with.

I must also acknowledge that the process of growth in any relation, especially marriage is two sided. Having said that, this process of growth must initiate somewhere and with someone. Make sure it begins with you.

Often couples/relatives/friends spend years arguing and debating about who is at fault and expecting others to change immediately. This becomes an extremely unproductive and endless loop of blaming and feeling like a powerless victim.

Since it is YOU that is reading this article, we’ll be focusing on what YOU can do on your behalf. We will focus on empowering YOU so that by the end of this guide, YOU will have a variety of tools, ideas, and resources at your disposal so that you NEVER feel helpless again.

In this article, we’ll cover many dimensions and solutions to fix a toxic relationship. The key, however, is to take initiative and take personal responsibility to apply what you learn, starting today.

Since this is an in-depth, comprehensive guide, you might want to bookmark and save the link so that you can come back to it again.

When we use the word “toxic” to describe a relationship, most of us are usually trying to describe certain factors and behaviours that are affecting the relation such as manipulation, lack of respect, lack of understanding, dishonesty, absence of effective communication, usage of bitter language patterns etc. that leads to the “feeling” of resentment.

If you can relate to this, read on.

1) STOP Adding Fuel To The Fire

Firstly, keep in mind that it’s Not the relationship that is “toxic”.

It’s actually the behaviors and the usual reactions to those behaviors which turn into recurring negative patterns.

It’s very important that you understand and internalize this distinction.

From now on, begin to see the patterns.

Remember, old patterns can be broken with consistent effort in the right direction and better patterns can be made to replace them.

But what does it mean by “STOP adding fuel to the fire”?

The fire here refers to the toxic behaviors. Whenever you get into a situation where the other person is behaving in a negative manner, STOP feeding YOUR ENERGY to that toxicity.

If we respond in a reactive manner by losing our calm to any of such negativity, we essentially feed it with our own energy. As a result, we drain our own energy and unconsciously facilitate that negative behavior to grow stronger.

Most of the time we become part of the problem by participating in that toxicity.

How do you stop feeding your energy to that behavior?
Simple. STOP reacting!

Tap into your consciousness and mindfulness at that moment instead of reacting unconsciously and letting that situation take control of your actions.

Take charge of your own behavior and decide at that moment how will you handle this situation? Will you let yourself lose control or will you handle it with calm and wisdom?

It’s a simple yet powerful law of the universe. When you stop feeding something, it begins to get weak and over time it might eventually die. If you want the fire to stop, you won’t put more fuel in it, would you?

Just remember this simple principle the next time you have the urge to react.

Often what happens is that toxicity travels from one source to another forming a chain. The person you might be dealing with may possibly be getting influenced by someone else’s negativity, or maybe a certain thought, problem or some situation.

Let’s consider an example of this kind of chain reaction.

Suppose that a man deals with someone negative or a stressful situation at work. He comes home carrying that negative state of mind and then deals with his wife in a poor manner. The wife then gets into a negative state.

She then deals with the children carrying that same state. The children then carry this toxicity to school which is either reflected in their poor performance or their behavior with their fellows.

The cycle can go on and on to the point where the children grow up and replicate such toxic patterns in their own personal and professional lives.

The solution to this is to make sure this chain ends at you!

Make sure you don’t become part of the problem by contributing to this chain of negativity. And that you stop this domino effect by handling it with calm, patience, and peace.

The state of Calm is within you. Start believing in yourself and tap into those inner resources.

You must become the solution, just remember that.

If we just train ourselves to neutralize such situations and stop reacting to it mentally, emotionally, and physically, chances are that over time it will eventually dissipate.

The question however is,
How to Train Yourself to Deal with Difficult People?

You can learn a few techniques through which you can train and program your mind in advance to handle challenging people and circumstances. Check it out.

2) Set Boundaries To Maintain Love And Respect

One of the major contributing factors in relationships going bad is too much unnecessary closeness.

Closeness to the point where people cross each other’s personal boundaries and become “clingy” and overly possessive about each other which ultimately leads to the loss of respect in the relationship.

Everybody needs some personal space.

Remember, we don’t own anybody. Whether it be your relationship with your friend or spouse or even your children, you don’t own them.

They have their own freedom of choice. Treat them as separate, respectable human beings, as you would with any other person.

And if things have gone sour and bitter. You can still fix it. It just requires a mind-shift. A shift in how you perceive yourself, how you perceive the other person and how you perceive the relationship between you two.

Have you ever wondered why is it that the same person who seemed so amazing to you in the beginning now seems quite the opposite? What happened?

Consider this, when we overdo anything, we tend to get fed up. It’s as simple as that.

If you eat your favorite dish 4 times a day for 30 days, you will hate it at one point, won’t you?

A similar thing happens when we get too centered on a particular person/relation and spend too much of our mental, emotional, and physical energy towards them.

The Honeymoon Phase

Here I would also mention the phenomenon of “Honeymoon Phase” which for many people seem to be over after a few months of marriage. People would describe it as a “loss of spark” in the relationship or losing attraction towards the spouse.

Let’s consider an example here to understand what actually happens in our brain.

Have you ever been so hungry that all you could focus on was that plate of delicious food in front of you?

It had all your attention. That food seemed so delicious and the aroma captured you.

But what happens after you’ve had 2-3 servings of that same dish and your hunger is satiated, in fact, overly satiated?

Do you still feel attracted to it?

Do you still enjoy the smell of that food when you’ve eaten too much of it and your belly feels like it’s about to burst?

Does it still have your attention or are you done with it and now thinking of doing something else?

What just happened?

It’s the same food that captured your attention moments before and now it doesn’t seem all that important anymore, in fact, you might want to move away from it.

What changed? The answer: Our Neurochemistry.

Now that our hunger is overly satiated, our brain is telling us to move on from it, and so we lose interest.

A very similar process happens at the start of marriages for many couples who don’t keep a balance in their lives and relationships.

Too much physical satiation and too much mental/emotional dependency mess with our neurochemistry, and so the feelings toward the spouse, changes.

3) Read The Patterns Instead Of Blaming The Person

People operate based on their psychological patterns. Sometimes there is no logical reasoning behind behaviors or situations. It’s just the patterns.

Let’s say someone has a cockroach phobia. Now we all know that in reality cockroaches don’t bite or sting. They are physically harmless.

Yet why do so many people get scared at the sight of it? There is no apparent reason. It’s just that the sight of a cockroach creates a disgusting, defensive, or creepy feeling for them.

If you reason with them about how harmless the cockroaches are, will they stop getting scared immediately? You have your answer.

Often our brain spends a lot of mental energy thinking and trying to make sense of things. Trying to find some logical reasoning behind what happened or who to blame.

But in reality it’s just the patterns.

I get a lot of people saying in utter confusion, “Well, he/she is overall a good person, but I don’t get why sometimes he/she behave or act that way?”

The fact is, sometimes there is no logical explanation except that people operate on certain patterns. Often those patterns might not make any sense.

The sooner we come to harmony and acceptance with it, the better for our own health and growth.

Speaking of patterns, Notice your OWN patterns. Isn’t this a pattern of thinking that we try to find some reasoning or think in terms of “who to blame”?

Notice how you think and react under an uncomfortable situation or during an argument. Notice the shift in your mental, emotional, and physical states.

Acknowledge your own patterns of thinking and behaving. Develop a higher awareness of yourself.

The good news is that patterns can be changed. The key to breaking an old pattern is to stop repeating it and replace it with a positive pattern.

As you notice your own patterns, keep an eye on the other person’s patterns. Notice how they respond to certain words, actions, or situations.

This will help you develop a better understanding of them and thus you can use your inner wisdom to tailor your matters accordingly in your relationship.

Understand The Patterns In Your Relationship

As you gain awareness of the individual patterns of yourself and the other person, now notice the recurring patterns in your relationship.

Relationship patterns may go something like:

Person 1 says or does something (a).

Person 2 then responds to it in a certain way (b)

Person 1 responds back (c)

Person 2 responds back again (d)

This goes on in a loop into a rabbit hole.

Now there must be some good patterns in your relationship and some bad ones. Notice both. Understand how these patterns are working.

Once you gain an understanding of the patterns in your relationship, the confusion will be gone and you’ll eventually gain clarity of what to do and what to avoid to make things better.

In case of negative patterns in your relationship, the easiest way to break this loop is to change your part of the equation, i.e. when you stop reacting negatively, you immediately weaken the pattern.

When you stay consistent in your efforts towards a positive direction for long enough, the negative patterns will soon wither away because you have cut off the fuel it used to receive from you.

4) Often The Problem Is NOT The Actual Problem

There are 2 perspectives to this. It is important that we take both into consideration at the same time:

(A) The Indicators Of Life

Often times the apparent situation that we see as a problem is only a symptom of something deeper.

It is a common occurrence to get into fights and arguments over superficial matters and many people tend to hold on to that “problem” to make sense of things, justify their own position, and blame the other person.

When we get stuck into a certain issue, our mind tries to make sense of all of this. In doing so it picks up the first thing that grabs its attention and perceives it as the actual problem, while in reality, that rarely is the case.

Pain Is Just The Symptom Not The Cause

Consider this example.

When someone constantly experiences pain in their back, often the first reaction is to consider the Pain as the actual problem. So the person tries to fix it through a pain killer.

The pain seems to subside temporarily but comes back again after a couple of days. The person continues to take pain killers, and the same thing repeats over and over again.

The pain is Not the actual problem but a symptom of a deeper imbalance.

The person might be experiencing this pain because of a nerve issue which might be because of a muscular imbalance that gradually developed over a long period of time without them even realizing.

But, the muscular imbalance is not the actual root either.

The person unconsciously might be doing something that caused that imbalance. Maybe it’s the bad sitting posture or lack of exercise and healthy diet or lack of rest or maybe it’s because they are sleeping on a bad mattress etc.

Similarly, the challenges we face in our relationships are often a symptom of something deeper. Something deeper within us.

We project outside what we have inside. The state of our lives and our problems tell a lot about us.

Our apparent problems are actually indicators that are trying to tell us that something needs to be fixed and changed within us first.

Take it as feedback that your life is trying to give you and be curious about which areas do you need to start working on.

I love this quote which beautifully describes this:

“Circumstances don’t make a man. They reveal him.”

So take some time to ponder over this. What is it that you are projecting onto your relationship?

Is it stress in another area of your life that is being projected onto your relations?

Is it some deeper insecurities or character weakness?

Is it lack of spirituality and weak connection with God that is creating disharmony and discontent?

Is it a lack of vision and purpose in life that is unconscious affecting your mental/emotional states?

(B) A Blessing In Disguise. A Training From God Himself

Sometimes we are putting in our best efforts and yet we are struck with life’s challenges. Such challenges are there for a higher reason.

Life is Not happening to us. It’s happening for us.

If we just make this simple shift in our thinking, we’ll be more content with life.

Begin to see it as a training from God. Maybe God wants something higher and better for you and that’s why you are going through this test.

A lot of people find enlightenment, wisdom, and closeness to God in midst of adversities and problems. Many of the wisest and most successful people on earth emerged from an extremely tough life.

“Smooth seas don’t make skilled sailors”

Make the best out of this time and approach it with a learning intent. It might be a great opportunity and a blessing in disguise. Ask yourself, “What does God want me to learn and gain from this?”

Perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you, and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.”

– Quran 2:216

5) Learn To Become Emotionally Independent

Emotional Independence is one of the most important life skills under any circumstances. It simply means that you learn to take charge of your own emotional state.

Emotional Dependence, on the other hand, means that a person’s happiness, confidence, and sense of fulfillment relies on somebody else.

When that “somebody” is not in alignment with their expectations, the person gets stuck in an emotional rut of misery and Victim Mentality.

If you are emotionally dependent, you are at the mercy of other people’s moods, behaviors, and external circumstances.

If you blame someone else or the circumstances for your own miserable state, that indicates that you’re being emotionally dependent upon that person and that is a very unstable position to be in.

Many people fall in the blame-game trap because it is easier to put all responsibility on to someone else.

If we blame someone, there is nothing we have to do. All we have to do is to sit and be the victim. That doesn’t take any effort, does it?

But taking charge of our lives takes a lot of courage and a lot of effort. It pushes us out of our bubble of learned-helplessness. That is where freedom and empowerment lies.

I know in the beginning it’s a bit hard to digest this concept. That’s okay, take your time and ponder over it.

6) Seek To Understand

Realize that it’s not always about you. So stop taking everything so personally.

That person might be dealing with something in their own head but is unable to express.

We are often too quick in our assumptions and immediately jump to a conclusion based upon what we see or hear.

Instead of focusing on how this person is behaving, focus on what is he/she going through?

Instead of asking “why are you getting angry?” or “why are you behaving/talking like this?”, ask with a sincere and understanding tone:

“You seem a bit stressed today. Is there something that is bothering you?” or
“You seem a bit worried, would you like to sit and discuss or do you want me to give you some space?”

If he/she doesn’t want to discuss or wants some time in peace then respect their need and give some space.

7) Stop Using Sarcastic/Toxic Language

“When the son of Adam gets up in the morning, all the limbs humble themselves before the tongue and say: ‘Fear Allah for our sake because we are with you. If you are straight, we will be straight, and if you are crooked, we will become crooked.'”

– Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him)
[Tirmidhi]

I have seen many relations get destroyed just because of bitter, toxic, sarcastic language. If only people would just change the way they talk, they would save themselves a lot of trouble.

Sarcasm in close relationships is the root of all toxicity. Stop using sarcasm or any such toxic language patterns immediately if you want to fix your life.

Notice what vocabulary and metaphors you regularly use to describe your state and your experiences.

A companion asked Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):
“Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?”

He responded,
“One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.”

[Bukhari & Muslim]

How Do We Express Ourselves?

Apart from toxic language, we also tend to blow things out of proportion when describing negative experiences. People like to over-exaggerate their negative experience by using the darkest and most negative words they know.

Many of us tend to be the most unkind in use of our words and expression when we are angry with a loved one.

It feels comforting at that time to use such words but unconsciously people are programming their minds for more misery while damaging the relationship in the process.

On the other hand, when expressing love and care, and describing good qualities of a person and what good they brought into our lives, people tend to understate and underestimate those blessing.

Even if we are reminded of the blessings, we immediately tend to remind ourselves of all the other problems we have. A strange pattern many of us humans have.

It’s like many of us are trying our best not to feel so good.

Because when we feel good we won’t get sympathy or attention from people and we will have to be mentally responsible for our life. Who wants that? Most people are unconsciously comfortable being in the victim state.

Be very careful of what you speak, either internally while communicating with your own self or externally with other people.

Our use of language greatly determines our everyday experience of life. Keep a watch on your language patterns and the vocabulary that you use.

Observe which negative or “Not so positive” words do you use regularly and replace them with lighter and positive words.

What Metaphors Do You Use To Describe Your Life?

During communication with other people and with ourselves, we also use a lot of metaphors and examples to describe life.

For some, life is a rat-race and a competition, where you have to get ahead and beat everyone else, or everyone else will beat you.

While for some, Life is like a beautiful garden where you plant wonderful fragrant flowers through you actions and sow generous seeds of kindness, love, and sincerity that’ll reap luscious trees and colorful fruits in the long run.

Some see Marriage as a gamble.

While others see marriage as taking life to the next level, where you share deep love and respect while growing together. and an opportunity to leave a legacy and make the world a better place by raising good children.

Notice what kind of metaphors do you use on a regular basis. The way we interpret and relate to things in life determines how we experience them.

If you want to improve the quality of your life and your relationships, consciously work on improving the use of vocabulary Now. Use positive and uplifting words and metaphors.

Even if you have to describe something negative, use mild words instead of intensely negative words to describe your experience. Negati

“He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak good or remain silent.”

– Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)

8) Stop Being Passive Aggressive

Passive aggression is as bad as sarcasm. It is one of the most toxic behaviors for any relation.

I like to call passive aggressiveness and sarcasm as the “silent killer” of a relationship. They are not direct and often they do not usually stir things up into a full-blown fight, yet they gradually eat up the relation from inside like cancer.

Pardon me for using such strong metaphors to describe this, but I think it’s very important to get the message across. This IS how bad both of these things are for any relationship.

Both are born out of lack of proper communication in a relationship.

If you have complains or reservations with the other person, learn to communicate it directly in a calm, respectful, and civilized way.

Be considerate and look for the right time and place to talk about the matter of concern.

We will discuss more on this in the 14th step below where we’ll look into how to establish healthy communication.

9) Avoid Insecurity And Unhealthy Competition

Often feeling insecure of other person’s growth and competing to get ahead of them (or to take them down) is what kills a good relationship.

Insecurity usually comes from a sense of inadequacy and low self-worth.

If you are feeling insecure from another person’s progress, it might be an indication that you are not happy with your own progress. Deep inside you know you can do good as well, but you haven’t taken the required actions the other person took.

A person who has a healthy and harmonious relation with their own selves, don’t feel insecure if someone gets ahead of them. They value themselves while also respecting the other person’s abilities and efforts.

Their sense of self-worth does not get threatened by someone else’s growth.

Resolve the internal matters of your heart and mind, and develop a harmonious relation with your own self first. This will have a direct impact on your external relations.

Learn to be genuinely happy in other people’s progress, especially those close to you. Acknowledge and encourage them. Support them if you can. Wish success and happiness for them inside your heart.

10) Your Home Deserves A Better Version Of You More Than Your Office

Many of us are in a more productive, understanding, polite, open-minded, flexible, and learning state of mind in our professional lives but as soon as we get home, all of that suddenly goes out of the window.

It seems as if a switch just turned off. Many of us switch into a narrow-minded, traditional, insecure, impatient, complaining, irritated, rude, non-cooperative state of mind.

What happened?

Isn’t your family more deserving of your good behavior, manners, and ethics than the people you barely know at work?

Imagine what quality of family life you would have if you operate similarly in a polite and respectful behavior with an open mind and learning attitude.

11) Develop Consistent Bonding Rituals

Have you ever wondered why often times in relationships the initial spark fades away with time?

Have you ever wondered what keeps the spark alive in some couples even when they reach old age?

Maybe they are doing something most people overlook. Remember, there is a formula for almost everything.

The “spark” doesn’t just happen out of nowhere. There are certain actions and behaviors that lead to it. Identify them. Experiment and see what works for you.

Here’s a hint… “Bonding Behaviors”.

What are bonding behaviors?

Any act that ignites the feeling of love, affection, and deep connection.

  • Hugs
  • Kisses
  • Hold hands
  • Smile at each other
  • Look into each other’s eyes with love and affection
  • Give small but mindful gifts
  • Take care of each other likes and dislike even if they are small daily routine things
  • Do mindful acts of kindness for your loved one
  • Switch every distraction off and spend quality time together
  • Have a good laugh together
  • Indulge in creative activities together
  • Help each other out in daily tasks

You name it.

Do any of these seem familiar? Did you use to do it at the beginning of your relationship? Viola! That’s why there was more spark. It’s just that you were doing it unconsciously at that time and weren’t aware of it.

Now that you know, you can reignite the spark when you put conscious effort towards it.

Make it a must to indulge in these simple bonding behaviors on a daily basis. Make it a consistent habit.

12) Focus On Doing Your Part

One of the most common patterns in toxic relationships is people trying to change each other or expecting a change from the other person.

Couples go to therapists, coaches, or counselors with the mindset of changing the other person. Expecting the therapist or coach to help change their spouse.

This is a recipe for eternal misery.

Once we focus on What we can do on our part and how can we shift our approach and strategy towards the situation, we begin to take control of our own lives and live in a resourceful and empowered state.

YOU decide to become the Change Agent.

When you observe the patterns as we discussed above, you become the source of shifting those patterns in your relationship.

Focus on effort, not outcome. If you focus on outcome then you’ll expect too much and as we know, too much expecting often leads to hurt feelings.

“And they have in their minds no favor from anyone for which a reward is expected in return. But only the desire to seek the pleasure of their Lord, the Most High. And soon will they attain (complete) satisfaction.”

– Quran 92: 18-21

13) Connect With Yourself

A lot of people lose connection with their own selves especially in case of marital relations. We become so focused on our spouse and children that our entire identity begins to revolve around them.

This is also one of the major reason for toxicity and emotional dependence. There must always be boundaries and a healthy balance.

Remember, your connection with your own self will determine how well you connect with other people in your life.

You can only give love and respect to others in a healthy manner if you have love and respect for your own self.

You can only connect with other people successfully when you have a healthy and nurturing connection with yourself.

You can only give others what you have inside.

When we feel angry, irritated, or frustrated towards other people, unconsciously we are angry, irritated, or frustrated with ourselves internally, which we project onto others.

What is within, will come out.

When you squeeze a lemon, you’ll only extract lemon juice, not apple juice.

When life/people/circumstances squeeze us, the only thing that will come out is what is within. I’ll quote it again here:

“Circumstances don’t make a man. They reveal him.”

Have you seen or heard about people who despite facing unimaginable challenges and difficulties, maintained their inner peace and harmony. The kind of people who showed kindness and mercy even towards their haters.

History is full of such examples.

How did they manage to operate on such a high standard of character?

The answer, how you think, feel, and act towards other people in your life regardless of the situation is a direct reflection of the quality of connection you have with yourself.

Your perceptions and your assumption about people and circumstances tell a lot about your inner state of being.

I know it can be a bit hard to get especially when we are stuck in a certain situation. But allow this to sink in.

This is the direction of thinking that will liberate you and get you out of the stuck state. This is what is going to put you in an empowering and resourceful state. So take a couple of minutes to digest this and ponder over it.

14) Establish Healthy Communication

Work on establishing the kind of atmosphere between you and the other person where you can sit and calmly converse about the topic of concern.

Healthy communication is when you are able to have a peaceful discussion regarding an uncomfortable matter with the intent to understand the other person’s point of view and coming to a solution.

It might take some time and perseverance to build this new pattern of healthy communication if you have been having patterns of miscommunication and misunderstanding for long. But it’s doable.

Remember, any pattern can be changed and overwritten by a better pattern. You just have to be the one to initiate and stick to it regardless of the initial outcomes.

Good and lasting things in life take time to build. It’s not an instant fix.

Keeping in mind all that we have just discussed up till now, here are 4 specific tips to drastically improve your communication. Practice these tips several times with smaller matters first. Make them a habit:

ONE

If you want to discuss something important, always remember to set a time for it.

Never discuss important, serious topics or problems randomly on the go. Tell the other person that you have something important to discuss. Don’t tell what specifically.

Then ask “When will you be available to discuss it?”

This will give them time to get mentally prepared and free their mind of other things instead of reacting abruptly.

TWO

Prepare yourself for the discussion. Take a few deep breaths and Relax completely.

Make a short but mindful prayer asking Allah to make this discussion productive while seeking His help and guidance.

THREE

Prepare WHAT specifically you have to say and HOW will you say it in a calm and sincere tone. Keep it short and to the point.

Stop yourself from going into any tangents or past discussions at all costs.

FOUR

Be mentally prepared for any outcome. Don’t expect anything in return.

Commit to staying calm and composed regardless of anything. Just focus on doing your part. If you do your part right, with consistency, you will eventually experience results. God-willing. Have faith.

You can learn much more about communication skills in this detailed guide.

15) Cherish Other Relations In Your Life. Don’t Let Them Get Ignored

We get so fixated on one area of life that often other people and blessings of our life get neglected.

We all have some people in our lives whom we consider a blessing. It might be your parents, siblings, children, a sincere friend, a great teacher/mentor etc.

We never know how much time we have left with them. So make the most of it. Spend quality time with them. Care for them.

Be appreciative of the little things these people do for you. Be mindful of them.

When you’re sitting with them, instead of getting lost in thoughts of your problems or getting busy with your phone, pay attention to them. Have a good conversation.

Ask them about their lives. Say kind and uplifting words to them. Show them appreciation and encouragement.

Often when loved ones pass on from this world, people are left with regret of not spending enough time with them, not caring enough for them, not behaving well with them, not expressing their love and appreciation to the fullest.

You would not want to have those regrets in life, would you?

Cherish other relations in your life.

The blessings in our life are thousands of times more than the problems. Focus on what is good in your life instead of what is not. This is the key to inner happiness and contentment.

16) Take Measures To Stay Motivated And Driven

You MUST take time out to recharge and nourish yourself regularly. Here are a few suggestions to get you started immediately.

Develop Daily Rituals

By daily rituals I mean daily habits that you do at all costs, where you feel like it or not. Habits that will recharge and nourish your mind, body, and soul.

Being consistent with such habits will keep you on track even if you encounter a few bumps along the way.

A few examples would be daily prayers, exercise, reciting Quran, mindfulness meditation, morning walk, eating clean and healthy, waking up/going to bed early etc.

Develop Regular Learning Habits

Habits like reading good books, guides, articles, joining courses and programs on personal development, attending lectures on Quran and hadith etc.

Develop Healthy And Creative Hobbies

Many people get so indulged in the routine life that they lose touch with their creative side. Get back in touch and explore your inner creativity. Take time out for your hobbies. If you don’t have any, develop them!

Explore new areas of life. Have new experiences. Most people never get to know what talents, potentials, and interests lie within them until they go out of their way to explore them.

Reignite the inner curiosity that you had as a child. This will drastically enhance the quality of your life.

Join A Support Group

Join a group or club where you can connect with other positive people who are determined to grow, improve, and expand. Good influence will inspire, motivate, and push you beyond your apparent limitations, and that is absolutely crucial for growth.

Seek An Accountability Partner Or A Coach

An accountability partner is someone who holds you accountable in the area you want to improve and constantly pushes you toward growth. It can be anyone, a parent or sibling, someone from the support group or a good friend.

Just be sure that person is mature, open-minded and someone whom you can trust with your personal matters without them being overly nosey, attached, sarcastic, or controlling.

Ideally, a more suitable choice is to invest in a wise and experienced Life Coach.

The life coach won’t be related to you in any way so there will be no issues regarding privacy. Also, a good life coach will be free from passing any judgment about you and will be solely focused on your well-being and growth.

17) Channelize Your Energy Towards A Higher Purpose

If you look into the lives of great people you’ll find that they focused much of their time and mental/emotional energy towards a mission that is higher and beyond their own self. That is why they were unscathed by other resistances, challenges, and problems.

We tend to think excessively about what happened to “Us” because let’s be honest, much of our life is “self-centered” which revolves around our self and our family.

We want to do much of the things either for our self or our family. We want others to approve of us. We want others to respect us. We want our rights. We want to increase our status in society. Furthermore, there are so many emotional and physical/material wants that we have.

When we are constantly living in this self-centered “wanting state”, any violation of our mental/emotional/physical Wants becomes a big issue and the center of our focus.

It becomes harder for us to let go and move forward because we were unable to look outside and beyond ourselves in that particular moment.

As a result, our emotions flare up and we let our emotions take control of us rather than operating from a higher place of consciousness and wisdom.

Spend time discovering the higher purpose of your life. What kind of contribution are you here to make?

What unique talents and abilities do you have, to make your share of difference in the world?

How can you live your life in a way that not only serves you in this life but also the hereafter?

How can you be a channel of goodness in this world?

What legacy do you plan to leave that will continue to live long after we pass on?

I know this is a deep topic. Here I’m giving you food for thought to initiate a process of higher thinking that will continue to carry on long after you’ve read this guide.

You can take some time right after reading this guide to reflect over this. Have a pen and a journal and write down what comes up.

Write the above questions and take your time to answer it. Write in as much detail as you like.

After you do this, you’ll notice a significant change and clarity in your mind. Often what we need during challenging and confusing phases of life is to deeply analyze and clarify our purpose and our values.

18) Be Flexible In Your Strategy And Persevere In Your Efforts

Many people don’t demonstrate enough perseverance and give up too early.

We usually hear them say “I’ve tried EVERYTHING but NOTHING works.”

First of all, I highly doubt that anyone has ever tried “everything” in the world. The possibilities are usually endless.

Let’s be honest, the amount of knowledge we have is very little. We think we know much but in actuality, we don’t.

Most of us haven’t yet ventured outside of our bubble to explore the sea of endless possibilities in the world.

Secondly, even the things people have tried, they haven’t been persistent enough in their efforts or flexible enough to take feedback and modify their strategy.

Remember, flexibility and creative thinking is equally as important. If you do something with full effort for a sufficient period of time, yet you don’t get results, you simply change your strategy!

It’s a basic life-lesson that we used as a child.

When we were learning to walk or ride a bicycle, we fell or lost balance countless times, didn’t we?

Did we thought back then to give up on walking? No! There were no voices in our heads trying to tell us we can’t do it.

We just invested our efforts over and over again. There was no question of “if it’s possible or not”. We learned from our pain of falling, observed and learned from others who were walking successfully, and modified our approach until we learned to walk.

That is the basic life-lesson and the key to producing results in any area of your life.

Be dynamic and flexible in your thinking while having the patience to go through the process of learning.

Avoid coming to conclusions too early. That will only limit your thinking. Instead, become a possibility thinker. Ask yourself, “what else can I do?”, “What more options do I have?”, “How can I create more options and possibilities?”.

Conclusion

Understand the laws of the universe and be certain that when your actions and practices are in alignment with those laws you will eventually get results. The timings may vary. Trust God’s timings. Have 100% faith and zero doubts.

Here I must also mention that your approach will vary in different forms of relationships. The relations that are most beloved and close to us, e.g. parents, children, spouse, siblings require a lot of dedication, perseverance, faith, and care.

The relations such as friends or co-workers, you might want to distance yourself a bit and be more around people that have a positive impact on you.

Know your priorities and make intelligent choices. Be smart about where you’re investing your efforts.

Until next time.

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  1. I was studying some of your articles and I think this website is really informative! Keep posting.

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