Have you struggled with your position in society? Do you find yourself trying to please people too often? Do you worry too much about others’ opinions of you or fitting-in with them? Do you tend to lose your voice in the crowd and not being able to stand up for yourself? Have you ever struggled with charisma and confidence? If any of this resonates with you, worry not. I’ve been through all of this myself and I’m going to share with you what I learned on the journey of transformation from being a beta to an alpha.
I have noticed that a lot of content on “how to be an alpha male” comes from people who naturally have been an alpha most of their lives and may not understand the position of someone who is not an alpha yet.
I myself having gone through the journey of being an utter Beta Male who had no voice, no confidence or self esteem, had crippling social anxiety, was overweight, bullied and made fun of, had poor body posture, very little self-worth, who tried to please everyone and worry too damn much about what people thought of him to an alpha who is on an ever-expanding journey of self-improvement and became quite the opposite of what I used to be, decided to write a detailed guide on How to truly become an Alpha Male and stop being a beta male, coming from someone who has really been in your shoes or even worse.
In this guide, I’ll share with you my personal experiences of what really helped me transform from being a beta to an alpha male. I’ll try to make it as simple and concise diving directly into practical, actionable steps that you can start with right away.
What it Really Means to be an Alpha Male?
Before we go into “how to transform from a beta to an alpha male”, let’s briefly touch upon what do we actually mean by being an Alpha Male.
Let me make it clear that we are not talking about those wanna-be dudes who try to be too overly macho and assert dominance over others, thinking of themselves as superior to everyone else. It’s sad that for some people the definition of being an Alpha revolves around showing themselves off and putting other people down. That’s NOT what an Alpha Male is.
Alpha also does NOT mean being a careless, insensitive and cocky douche bag. I couldn’t put it in sophisticated words. It is what it is. Let’s not mistake being an Alpha Male to these kinds of people.
Alpha Male is someone who has worked on himself to develop high character qualities and values. Someone that you would want to look up to. To learn the specific traits that a true Alpha Male possesses, check my other article in which I have discussed 38 Traits of a True Alpha Male. If you are really serious about your transformation, I would highly recommend that you go through that list.
My Own Transformation From Beta to Alpha
I am briefly sharing some bits of my journey in the hope that it may provide some added inspiration and motivate you to take action. And simply just to be able to provide some references for you to relate better. If you are not interested, that’s totally fine, feel free to skip to the next heading.
As a kid, I used to be overweight to the point where the doctor at my school would tell my parents to do something about it. I was a very quiet and shy kid much of my school life, mostly sitting in the corners, never participating in class and didn’t socialize much. Almost everyone used to make fun of or at least comment on my weight which made me go deeper into my shell. I used to be intelligent but not smart. People would take advantage of me easily and I had no guts to stand up for myself.
Fast forward to my mid-teenage years, I came across a couple of personal development books and decided to make a shift in my life. I started to work on my health, went through a drastic physical transformation, as well as mental. I began socializing more, participating in every opportunity that I came across. Those were a good couple of years that went quite well for me.
But after those 2-3 good years, I was hit by an existential crisis where I began to ask bigger questions of life. I lost interest in academics and basically the overall conventional way of life that most people live. The pattern of getting a degree and getting a job and spending the rest of my life in this rut didn’t appeal to me. I wondered if there is more to life than this. Deep inside I knew we humans have a much higher purpose than what we usually demonstrate.
This journey of “soul-searching” existential crises wasn’t very convenient though, as it broke me off of the usual path that people follow, and for several years I was left clueless, trying to find the answers.
Because of this I was ridiculed, criticized and looked down upon. Nobody believed in me and people began to think I’m good for nothing and just wasting my life in foolishness. A few short years later in my early twenties, I lost my father to cancer which left me devastated, broke, in debt, unemployed and directionless as to where to go from here on.
That shattered my self-esteem and confidence even further. People would visibly see my misery and depression in my body language even though I tried hard to hide it. My health suffered as I was losing weight because of stress and depression. Funny thing was, people would still comment on my health but now it would be the opposite.
During those years, everybody had a plan and suggestions for how I should live myself and which direction I should take. Since I was clueless, I initially listened to them. People told me to be “Realistic” and get out of your thinking, and initially, I listened.
But even after all those storms and adversities of life, I still had those burning soul-searching questions in the back of my mind. I just couldn’t let them go and settle for a life of ignorance. So I began my search again, went places, met people, discussed my confusion and life questions with those whom I thought would have the answers, but they didn’t.
It took me some time but I came to a realization that my journey and my questions are specific to me so instead of asking other people, I began seeking deeper knowledge and wisdom that would help me understand life better and connect with myself on a deeper level.
This was the point where I begin to discover myself and develop my identity and independent thinking. I developed self-confidence and self-respect to take bold decisions, bold enough to leave lucrative opportunities because they weren’t in alignment with my values and purpose. My inner voice grew to the point where it was fearlessly loud and clear.
That shy overweight boy that teachers complained “he doesn’t have any confidence to participate and sits in the corner”, now became a person who has a distinct voice and has the privilege to help other people lead empowering lives and overcome challenges.
Below I’ll share with you the key learning and actions that shaped and transformed me. I by no means claim to be the ideal example of being the ultimate Alpha Male. In fact, far from it, and I don’t intend to be perfect but strive to grow as a person continuously till my last breath (God-Willing).
1. Be in Harmony With Your Shortcomings and Weaknesses
Becoming an alpha is a journey. It’s not an instant quick fix. Yes, there are people who will pretend to be one superficially, but as we discussed that it’s not about superficial pretentiousness. It’s deep work from within.
The only way you’ll be able to become an alpha from your core is by acknowledging your weaknesses. By knowing and embracing your shortcomings, you’ll know exactly where you need to work on and improve. Which skills and character traits you need to develop.
A lot of men look at their weaknesses and compare themselves to others who seem to be superior to them. This approach disempowers them and lowers their self-worth and confidence.
You must begin to acknowledge and embrace yourself where you are right now, then plan ahead for improvement. Turn your shortcomings into your strengths, instead of making them your weakness. Nobody is perfect, so stop beating yourself up. Again, remember, the goal is not to be perfect, but to keep progressing towards a better, stronger version throughout our lives.
2. Have Intellectual Humility and Flexibility
Alpha men have a strong ego in the sense that they don’t let others abuse them or take advantage of them, but they are not egotistical.
It’s important to develop intellectual humility and mental flexibility, which simply means that you learn to realize your mistakes and where you went wrong. Don’t let your insecurities get in the way of your personal growth and don’t let your ego blind you from seeing your mistakes and what you could’ve done to make things better.
So many men let their egos inflate as they progress on their journey of success and prosperity. They let their success blind them from seeing their own mistakes. It’s almost like a feeling of invincibility that takes over them, hypnotized by their own progress. Even though apparently they might be getting ahead materially, they live a life of ignorance. DON’T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!
Be the first one to realize your mistakes and make amends. Don’t let your ego damage your relations or keep you from learning and growing.
3. Work on Yourself, Develop Your Character, Craft Your Identity
If you want to know the key to self-confidence and healthy self-esteem, it is to work on developing yourself as a person. Nothing will give you as much power in your personality as personal growth.
Don’t buy into those superficial tactics that teach you how to pretend to be more charismatic and confident. If you are not a “person of substance” from deep within, those tricks won’t last long.
Don’t run after “get rich quick” schemes that promise to make you a millionaire within a short time. Be smart but don’t seek quick fixes. Nothing can beat character development, experience and wisdom.
You and I have a limited span of life on this earth, it’s important that we begin to develop ourselves from the roots as soon as possible, and not waste time with the superficial pretentious trickery.
Invest your time and energy in the right place. See a long term vision of yourself. Who do you want to be 20 or 30 years from now?
Work on developing deep character traits and values. Create your own unique identity and leave a unique imprint. Observe and learn from everything, but think on your own. Be an independent thinker.
Commit to self-improvement. Make it a top priority. Know exactly how you want to improve and plan your personal development journey ahead. Invest in books, seminars, courses, and coaching. Be a seeker of knowledge and wisdom, and how you can apply it to your own life.
4. Learn to Speak Up and Stand Up for Your Values
If you are in a situation where someone is imposing their values or decisions on you which are contradictory to your own, speak up fearlessly! Don’t avoid the discomfort of confrontation. Don’t be afraid of the consequences unless the consequences are life-threatening.
I’m not suggesting that you get into arguments all the time and confront everyone who thinks different than you. Nope, not at all. In fact, that’s what is next…
5. Be Smart With Your Time and Energy
So many people waste their time and energy in useless, meaningless things that serve no benefit in the long run, whether it be in the form of excessive entertainment or endless debates and arguments.
KNOW YOUR OUTCOME!
Be smart and invest your time and energy intelligently. There is no point in arguing with someone who thinks differently than you and won’t budge even if you argued with them the entire day. Sometimes it’s smart to just let go of the urge to “correct” people and invest your energy towards someone who will actually benefit from you.
Also, in terms of entertainment, it’s good when it’s done in limits. But spending entire days and nights binge-watching TV shows, movies, YouTube videos, and playing video games for hours upon hours, this is a loser’s quality, a person who has no life and no purpose.
It’s hard to imagine such a person be an Alpha Male while living such a lifestyle.
6. Step Outside of Your Bubble and Dare to Try New Things
After the first couple of decades of life, many men tend to “settle down” and stop actively learning and seek new knowledge, skills, and experiences of life. Benjamin Franklin summed it up accurately.
“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75”– Benjamin Franklin
Around the age of mid-twenties and early thirties, most people think they know enough about life and have “seen everything”. For the rest of their lives, their assumptions and understanding of the world revolve around whatever they learned in their first 2-3 decades of life.
Honestly, that is one of the most unfair things we do to ourselves in our entire lives. We stop learning and come to conclusions and rigid assumptions just when our journey of learning and experiencing life starts. Most people kill their growth as soon as it begins. This is the reason why so many men live grumpy, angry, or lifeless lives as they remain stuck at one point for the rest of their time on this earth.
The only way to avoid it is to de-hypnotize yourself from your own thinking and living patterns. Burst your own bubble and go out of your way to try out new things, learn new skills, develop new hobbies.
You can simply start by developing a habit of reading regularly. Get a good book on personal development and commit to reading it in its entirety. Or even better, register yourself in a personal development course. That is one great way to expand your horizons and gain exposure by meeting new people who are also on a journey of personal growth.
One of the greatest transforming factors in my personal transformation was when I committed myself to read and began to invest whatever little I had into personal development courses and workshops.
I find it quite alarming how most men have never ever attended a course or workshop on personal development. No wonder why so many of us stay stuck and have a very limited mindset. Don’t let it happen to you.
7. Work on Your Health! Build Your Body Like an Alpha
Most men don’t realize how important physical fitness is to build confidence and become an alpha. Physical fitness played a MAJOR role in my personal transformation as a man.
When you work-out with consistency, you not only build your body, but you also develop some crucial character qualities such as self-discipline, getting out of your comfort zone, developing tolerance to pain and discomfort, being more active in taking action, and building an overall strong mindset.
In today’s overly convenient era where everything is available literally at our fingertips, the excessive comfort and availability have made men weak and lazy. Most young men today are incapable of carrying out physically strenuous tasks, something that we are genetically built to do.
You don’t necessarily have to have huge muscles, and you certainly don’t have to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger to be an alpha, in fact, it’s not just about the physical appearance, but how your body feels from within.
If you feel fit, strong and light from within, when every muscle is working and firing up like a powerful well-oiled machine with soaring energy levels, you’re going to feel your confidence rising greatly.
Develop a healthy and fit lifestyle as early in your life as possible. Make it a habit to eat clean, avoid junk and workout regularly, so that you carry your youthfulness and strength in later years.
8. Be Honest in Your Expression
With society constantly teaching us to “shut up” and “stay quiet” since we were little kids, we have lost touch with the true expression of ourselves.
Learn to be more fearlessly truthful in your expression. If you feel like someone is taking advantage of you or being unfair to you, speak up. If someone’s behavior is hurting or bothering you, communicate it with clarity.
Confrontation is better than passive aggression.
If you need to ask someone, don’t hold back, ask it, stop worrying about people’s assumptions. If you have a particular preference regarding something, tell it.
This will drastically boost your confidence and put you in an Alpha state.
One this to note here is that I’m not suggesting that you be “unnecessarily honest” to the point where you just point out faults in everything and blaming everyone. Be honest doesn’t mean that you criticize the food that your wife made after hours of effort or your show dislike towards a gift someone gave to you.
Again, use your common sense and be wise in how to apply all the suggestions you find here. Life is not always black and white. You must learn the wisdom of where, which rule will apply.
9. Exercise Your Freedom
You are born as an individual human being and freedom is your birthright. Make your own choices. Think independently of societal norms and pressures. Feel free to make some mistakes and learn from them.
Don’t get caught into the conventional way of life. Instead of taking the “safe” route that most people take out of fear of the unknown, dare to carve your own route. Instead of taking life advice from an average person who himself is stuck in the rut of conventional life, learn from those who are living an extraordinary life or who have left a positive impact on the world in their lifetime. Learn from those who are on the journey of an Alpha themselves.
10. Make Your Own Independent Life Decisions
In continuation of the above point, don’t be afraid to make major life decisions.
It’s good to take suggestions from relevant people, but in the end, you be the one to decide. Again, don’t be afraid to make mistakes in terms of taking decisions. Your decisions will not always be the right ones. You’re gonna screw up at some point and that is part of the journey. That is how you learn and become a wiser, stronger version of yourself. You don’t always have to make the right decisions, you make the decisions and then make them right by committing to constant improvement.
YOU have to be the one to transform your life and create opportunities for yourself. No one else will do it for you. Waiting for others to give you an opportunity or tell you your worth is the most Beta thing a man can do.
If you want to live as an Alpha, stop waiting for opportunities and unleash your inner power to take initiatives towards your ideas, visions, and life purpose.
11. Don’t be a Yes-Man. Learn to Say NO
Let go of the urge to please everyone. If you want everyone to like you, you’ll have to be a doormat, and that is what you would want to avoid if you want to transform yourself into an Alpha Male.
Begin to respect your time, your personal space, your likings and dislikings, and your overall boundaries. You have the freedom to say NO to anything that might violate any of these things.
If you want to reclaim your time, energy, and personal space, check out this Step-by-Step guide on the Art of Saying NO:
12. Don’t Let Anyone Dominate You or Control You
Don’t let anyone tell you “your place” or your worth no matter how intimidating or macho they might seem. Stick to your guns and stand up for yourself.
Also, a lot of times, an elder sibling, controlling parents, or obsessive friends try to be dominant over you and steer the direction of your life wherever THEY want. They might want you to think how they think. Believe in whatever they believe in.
Don’t be a puppet. Use your senses, use your intelligence and cognitive abilities instead of blindly accepting the fate your elders have decided for you. Take charge of your life.
Don’t let others decide the direction of your life. You choose which profession or field of study you want to get into. You take the charge of where you want to take your life and who you want to become as a person.
These are a few brotherly advice from someone who has been in your shoes. These are some major life lessons and wisdom that helped me turn myself around from being a Beta on to the journey of an Alpha.
If you have read this far till the end, I’m assuming you are damn serious about turning your life around. Let me tell you that you have already begun on the journey of an Alpha Male by committing to personal improvement. This is a beefy article and a lot of people would’ve dropped out midway. A lot of people let themselves get distracted along the way. But Not you, my friend.
Again, I would highly recommend that you check out the other article where I have listed the 38 traits of a true Alpha Male. Here’s the link:
Best of luck in your journey of growth and success. Talk to you soon.
A human being dedicated to explore and master deeper human potentials while sharing the wisdom and experiences to help fellow humans bring a positive revolution in their minds and ultimately their lives.