7 Strategies to Deal with a Gaslighting Partner
So you’re in the middle of an argument with your partner, and suddenly, everything flips. You start questioning your own reality—“Wait, did I really say that?” or “Am I just overreacting?” You might even find yourself apologizing for something you didn’t do, just to keep the peace.
Sound familiar?
Gaslighting is that subtle, almost invisible form of manipulation that can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on what’s real. But dear, you’re not crazy, and you’re definitely not alone.
In the previous article, we discussed 8 major signs your partner is gaslighting you. In this guide, we’re going to dive into some practical strategies you can use to navigate and overcome gaslighting in your relationship.
Keep in mind that this isn’t about pointing fingers or playing the blame game with your partner, this is about getting a grip on the circumstances within your relationship and reclaiming your voice, and your sanity.
By the end of this article, you’ll feel more equipped and confident to handle these toxic interactions, and most importantly, start the journey back to your true self. So, grab a cup of tea, get comfortable, and let’s get started.
Understanding Gaslighting: A Quick Recap
Before we dive into the strategies, let’s take a moment to ensure we’re on the same page about what gaslighting actually is.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person tries to make another doubt their own perceptions, memories, or even sanity.
It often starts subtly, maybe your partner dismisses something you said or did, or they twist your words in a way that makes you question your memory. Over time, this can escalate, leaving you feeling unsure of yourself, confused, and isolated.
It’s important to recognize that gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and it’s not something to be taken lightly. Whether it’s intentional or not, it’s a toxic behavior that can severely impact your mental health and your overall well-being.
Here are 7 steps to deal with gaslighting…
Step 1: Trust Your Gut and Reconnect with Your Reality
The first step to dealing with a gaslighting partner is to reconnect with yourself and gain clarity about the actual reality. Not the version of reality that your partner suggests and not your own version of it, but the ACTUAL reality.
When you’re being gaslighted, it’s easy to start doubting your perceptions, but your gut feeling is often your best compass.
Start by paying close attention to how you feel during interactions with your partner. If you constantly feel confused, anxious, or like you’re “losing it,” that’s a red flag.
Start keeping a journal of events as they happen. This can help you maintain a clear record of what’s real, what was said, and how you felt at the time.
The goal here isn’t to “win” an argument or prove your partner wrong but to ground yourself in your own truth. When you have a written account of events, it’s harder for someone to twist your memories or make you doubt what really happened.
Step 2: Set Boundaries and Hold Your Ground
Gaslighting often thrives in environments where boundaries are weak or non-existent. So, the next step is to start setting firm, clear boundaries with your partner.
This means being very clear about what behaviors are unacceptable to you and what the consequences will be if those boundaries are crossed.
For instance, if your partner constantly dismisses your feelings or tells you that you’re overreacting, you can say something like, “It’s important to me that my feelings are heard and respected. If you continue to dismiss them, I will need to take a step back from this conversation.”
It’s essential to hold your ground when setting these boundaries. Gaslighters often push back, and it might feel uncomfortable at first, but consistency is key.
I have several guides on boundaries in relationships. You can start with these ones:
- A Complete Guide to Set Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship
- 7 Types of Boundaries in Relationships – With Real Examples
Step 3: Seek External Validation from Trusted Sources
One of the most insidious effects of gaslighting is the isolation it creates. You might start to feel like you can’t trust anyone’s opinion but your partner’s—or worse, that no one would believe you if you tried to explain what’s happening.
That’s why it’s crucial to seek out trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide you with external validation.
When you’re feeling unsure, reach out to these trusted people to discuss your experiences. They can offer a reality check and hopefully give you feedback from a more neutral stance.
This doesn’t mean you need to share every detail of your relationship with others, but having a support system can help you stay grounded in what’s real.
Step 4: Don’t Engage in Power Struggles
Gaslighting is often about power and control. The more you try to argue with a gaslighter or prove them wrong, the more they dig in their heels. That’s why it’s important to avoid getting caught in a power struggle.
Instead of trying to convince your partner that they’re gaslighting you, focus on maintaining your own sense of reality and well-being.
If you find yourself in a situation where your partner is trying to twist your words or deny reality, try to disengage from the argument.
You might say something like, “I’m not going to argue about this” and then remove yourself from the situation if possible.
This doesn’t mean you’re conceding or agreeing with them. It’s more about protecting your mental and emotional health by not getting sucked into a battle you can’t win.
Step 5: Build Your Self-Esteem and Self-Trust
The biggest damage that gaslighting does is that it erodes your self-esteem and makes you doubt your own worth. Rebuilding that self-esteem is a critical part of protecting yourself.
Start by affirming your own worth and trusting your own instincts. Engage in activities that make you feel confident, whether that’s pursuing a hobby, spending time with people who uplift you, or practicing self-care.
Related: 10 Daily Self-Care Practices for a Healthier, Happier You
One practical tip is to use positive affirmations daily. Remind yourself of your strengths, your value, and your right to be treated with respect. The more you build up your self-esteem, the less vulnerable you become to the manipulations of a gaslighting partner.
I have a whole section of the blog dedicated to all kinds of affirmations for different circumstances and scenarios. Check it out!
You can start with these ones:
Step 6: Consider Professional Help
Dealing with a gaslighting partner can be incredibly draining, and sometimes, it’s hard to navigate on your own. If you’re finding it difficult to manage, it might be time to consider seeking professional help.
A therapist can help you unpack the manipulation, develop coping strategies, and work on rebuilding your sense of self.
If you’re not ready for therapy, consider joining a support group. Hearing from others who’ve been through similar experiences can be incredibly validating and can provide you with new insights and strategies.
You can even seek relevant groups on Reddit.
Step 7: Know When It’s Time to Walk Away
Finally, the most important strategy is knowing when it’s time to walk away. Not every relationship can be saved, and sometimes the healthiest choice is to leave.
If your partner shows no signs of changing, if they continue to gaslight you despite your efforts to set boundaries and seek help, it might be time to consider ending the relationship.
Leaving a gaslighting relationship is not easy—it can be emotionally challenging and even frightening. But your mental health, your sense of reality, and your overall well-being are more important than staying in a toxic situation.
You deserve to be in a relationship where you are respected, valued, and heard, never forget that.
You’ve Got This!
If you’re dealing with gaslighting, remember that you’re not powerless.
If you still aren’t clear if your partner is gaslighting you, please check this guide:
8 Signs of a Gaslighting Partner
By recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and trusting your own reality, you can protect yourself and start reclaiming your life. This journey might be tough, but with the right strategies and support, you can overcome gaslighting and emerge stronger on the other side.
Hope this helps. Take good care of yourself and I’ll talk to you in the next one!
